by Scott T. Starbuck , September 25, 2015

Football coach Mike has fished Oregon’s rivers about 70 years. When I’m casting with him I’m mostly silent so I can glean as much river knowledge as possible before he goes where there is no closed season and no limit. A few years ago, I saw him at a bend in the river. “12 pounder hanging in the old snag,” he snarled, describing his just-caught steelhead.

“Do you mean the one with the eagle’s nest?” I joked. He almost smiled which in itself would have been a pivotal point in the history of the watershed. “How do you always outfish the rest of us?” I asked.

“You must learn to think like a fish,” he replied, before working his way downriver.

I know anglers who have tried. One unnamed fisherman/writer even ate like a spring chinook – herring, squid, wild prawns – hoping it would help him make all the right decisions to connect with more fish. He claims it worked until it didn’t.

Mainly, though, I have noticed glaring violations of Mike’s wisdom over and over. I will give a few examples here for your piscatorial benefits.

I. Big Bird

Anyone who wears a bright yellow jacket, hat, or rain coat in low water is knowingly or unknowingly rude. Always wary of predators, the best way to scare fish into nonbiting mode is to dress like this oldtime Sesame Street character. There may be a connection between this dreaded color and the warning against bananas on fishing trips.

Anyway, I’m not saying military face paint is always necessary, but wearing bright yellow is definitely not thinking like a fish. If I saw a new fishing buddy do this, I would drive past his mailbox, and explain later.

II. Silence, Please

I have heard teens with blasting boom boxes near lakes and rivers say things like, “Dude, fish don’t have ears!,” flapping both hands like gills for added effect.

“No, they don’t. But, Dude, they have lateral lines that pick up vibrations, and they don’t particularly like Rob Zombie, no offense against Rob.”

“We can tell you’re an expert by all the fish you’re holding,” one smiled.

“What? I haven’t even casted yet.”

“Yeah, old guys who can’t catch fish always have excuses like that.”

III. Leader Selection

Sometimes, as when the water is muddy or fish are thick as grunions, leader size doesn’t much matter. However, in many low water conditions, light and long are the only way to go if you want to consistently hook fish. If someone offered you donuts attached to stretch cords, wouldn’t you be suspicious?

In addition, many anglers have noticed how ropey lines give baits, lures, and flies unnatural presentations. In other words, if your woolly bugger slides through the current like a wounded muskrat, you may not catch anything until you go lighter.

IV. Play Your Fish

Okay, imagine someone pulls you off the sidewalk and starts running as fast as he or she can into the woods. Unless that someone is an attractive blonde, you will probably try very hard to get away, even if it involves ripped skin or clothing. It’s the same with fish that are horsed in. My fishing buddies and I once laughed so hard we almost fell off the dock when a newbie reeled a trout to his rod tip, bounced it off back into the water, and kept reeling. The solution is to breathe deep a few times, and wear the fish out until he is tired enough to lead head-first to the net, or you can slide him up on the beach.

V. Consider Scent

Research shows salmon can smell parts per billion. That means, if you want to catch fish, it is unwise to pet your dog, or boa constrictor, before you grab your gear.

VI. When All Else Fails, Fish a Blue Fox Spinner

Many times I’ve turned skunk into chrome by ending my day with a number 5 Blue Fox, blue body, silver blade. It makes a heck of a racket in the water, and maybe salmon and steelhead strike it out of irritation or aggression. I mean, imagine some idiot appeared out of nowhere waving giant aluminum plates at your woman. You’d probably end that too.



Scott T. Starbuck’s blog Trees, Fish, and Dreams is at riverseek.blogspot.com His fishing articles and poems have appeared in Yale Anglers´ Journal, Salmon Trout Steelheader, The Sunday Oregonian, Talking River at Lewis-Clark State College, Cascadia Review, and The Raven Chronicles in Seattle. His book of fishing poems, River Walker, in local libraries, sold out in less than a year. His next book of fishing poems, Lost Salmon, is forthcoming from MoonPath Press in Kingston, WA, in 2016.