by Scott T Starbuck, March 01, 2016

My wife prefers not to drive my fish car, Walter. She says Walter could damage our status in the human community. “I could use your Subaru Forester, Betsy,” I offered, to which she glared. This is because Walter, like any good fish car, has been groomed and Oregon-ized for utility and efficiency as I will explain below.

Eight Boxes of Baking Soda - these are strategically placed, as you can see, in the back window area, center, and around the car to prevent human scent from corrupting fish rod corks and other gear. Serious anglers know salmon and steelhead can smell parts per billion, which helps them find their way home to your fishing hole, but can also mean refusal to bite your bait or lure if you are not careful. I admit the boxes are unsightly but when it comes to hooking more fish, who cares?



Two steelblue hens landed with the help of Walter, my fish car, in January 2016

Fish Maps - preferably hand-drawn, they identify the best places and seasons, and have been compiled from 50 years of chance meetings recorded on gum papers, Kleenex boxes, backs of business cards, pieces of brown shopping bags, and other scraps, along with photocopied data of salmon and steelhead tags going back to the last ice age. Remember to twist and fold these wads on the passenger seat to disguise them as used food wrappers and garbage. I like to color code mine for river systems and years.

Cassette Player - thrift stores sell great classic tunes for 25 cents a tape. There is nothing like driving home with a limit of ocean-bright winter steelhead, rolling down the window, winding through old growth Sitka spruce and Douglas fir, belting out Neil Diamond’s “Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show.”

Open Area by Emergency Brake - this is where you store your 25 cent cassettes, extra three fingernail clippers, Dri-Z-Air packages, half-eaten Clif Bar, rubber tarantula, spare needle nose pliers, crab shell cracker, ChapStick for increasing line flotation, rescued-from-the-river-Corkies and defanged spinners, dried organic figs, BAND-AIDs, floss, twist ties, Ziploc bags, mini flashlight, baling wire, garlic cloves, anise oil, olives, spare tooth brush for cleaning spinners, lucky Naugahyde, peacock feather, gift cards, whistle, road flares, tiny emergency blanket, DEET (separated by at least eight inches from the Clif bar), car registration, and other various items of lesser importance.

To-do Lists - these are smeared unreadable by anyone but you with raspberry jam as a form of potpourri and encryption then stored for safekeeping under the passenger seat where they are quickly forgotten until the area is cleaned many years later, or never.

Mold in Trunk - nothing discourages would-be thieves like green and blue mold blobs on orange life vests.

Glove Box Jammed Almost Uncloseable with Receipts - who knows?, someday you may want to return fishing tackle or sporting goods, or if you drown in the river chasing a big salmon, your heirs will be able to. Since I generally don’t return tackle, etc., and don’t have children, I don’t know why I do this. Maybe it’s unconscious and I need to see a fish therapist or something.

Shelf Under Back Window - you need dry underwear, socks, gloves, wool hat, and headlamps. The socks are for when blackberry thorns pierce waders, and your feet are wet. You’ve had enough character building in your life, and don’t want to drive from Alaska to Seattle with frozen or wet feet. Other Essentials Many fishermen don’t know a broken visor can be held up with used gum, and electrical tape. Add a full change of clothes for unexpectedly good fishing that forces you to stay overnight so you can be there at first light. Salmon and steelhead are migratory fish, and you can’t afford to miss the heart of the run. A mobile salmon and steelhead egg cure kit may include borax, various JELL-O flavors, spices, scents, and top secret new world and old world recipes.



Walter

I recently used my cure kit at night in a Safeway parking lot, and was quickly joined by five pairs of headlights glaring like huge dinosaur eyes. From the immediacy and length of their stay, you would think the watchers had never seen a man cure steelhead eggs on his trunk in a raging coastal wind storm.

Warning - even in an emergency, it may be unwise to let your wife and her friend (sorry, Tannis) borrow your fish car since they may find it irresistible to “help” by straightening and organizing items, and this may make it impossible to find your fish maps and other valuables.



Scott T. Starbuck’s blog Trees, Fish, and Dreams is at riverseek.blogspot.com His fishing articles and poems have appeared in Yale Anglers´ Journal, Salmon Trout Steelheader, The Sunday Oregonian, Talking River at Lewis-Clark State College, Cascadia Review, and The Raven Chronicles in Seattle. His book of fishing poems, River Walker, in local libraries, sold out in less than a year. His next book of fishing poems, Lost Salmon, is forthcoming from MoonPath Press in Kingston, WA, in 2016.