Question about an inmate opening up about their case, and growing feelings, How did you handle it?
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2022 11:28 am
Heya guys. I'm not sure if there is a better subreddit to post this in, I'm not familiar with this section of reddit. Here's my long-ass question tho:
I've never written a prisoner before, nor been in prison (or even arrested), or known anyone who is in, or has been in, prison, so this is all new to me. I came across a case on a TV episode and couldn't get the offender's face or what he did out of my head for months. I did a ton of research on it. I DO get interested in murder cases on a psychological basis and do a lot of research on them (I have both a psych degree and an English degree). I was fascinated by his murder case on a psychological level and made a Jpay account and added him on Jpay, then chickened out and didn't write him. He wrote me though. I didn't know he'd see that I added him, so I wasn't expecting that. He writes me about 6 times a day, the first being within 20 mins of the kiosk being available every morning. I wasn't expecting this. It was strictly for psych purposes in the beginning and wanting to figure him out. I told him that. I was upfront in that I was only interested in his case and that that's why I was writing him. He told me that women write him because they are turned on by him having killed someone, and he stops talking to them when they tell him that and he isn't used to this. He said he loves my intelligence and that he's never had anyone like me contact him before. We connect over literature and I sent him my fav book. I let myself go to a friendship level and answered his questions when he tries to get to know me (he has asked my fav color, music, etc etc). He has opened up a lot about his case and what happened and how he felt during it and after and says he has never felt safe enough to talk about it until me. In his first message after I asked his emotions about it, he said he wants to tell me about it, but doesn't know where to start or how to process it because he has never had anyone he feels safe enough to open up to about it Hawaii Inmate Search, and so I ask things and he answers in detail. After awhile, I told him, truthfully, that he is literally the hottest guy I've ever seen and that it confuses me because I know what he did. He told me that that made his day and he went to the barber and got "cleaned up" and took a pic for me. I asked him he ever smiles... none of the case pics or the one he sent have him smiling (not surprising), and he said we could work on that. Then a few days later he sent me one of him smiling. I told him I watch youtube videos of him talking so I can hear his voice, so he sent me a videogram of him talking to me "so you can hear my voice at my current age" (he's been locked up for 10 years of his 40 year sentence, so he's 36 now). I never planned on either of us "falling" like this. I'm still preventing myself from it. I still don't trust him. Some of the things he has told me don't align with what has been reported about the case, but he gets upset if I say that. He says I shouldn't believe that over him because they weren't there. I told him I was going to get the court transcripts and he got mad but got over it and is still talking to me.
I have NOT professed any feelings beyond what I just wrote here, but he has been very forward in his feelings for me. I am not going to lead him on, nor lie in any way. I'm really afraid of hurting him, since that was never my intention. I never thought he'd feel like this and I'm shocked. I said something yesterday that he misconstrued and he was clearly very hurt and upset. I had to convince him that I wasn't going to vanish on him. I'm so confused. He hasn't asked me for anything, so it's not a manipulation for gain. He's on the honor block, so he gets to have his tablet and guitar in his cell and have his cell by himself (no cellmate). He doesn't go in the dayroom much because he's afraid of being surrounded like that. He works in the chapel every day, reads, plays the guitar and writes the music and lyrics for his band he has in there. I only told him my nickname (he doesn't know my actual name), I told him the state I "am from" (I grew up there but moved to a diff state last year. He doesn't know that), and I have a VPN. He has zero identifiable info on me. I'm not dumb. Have any of you had this happen where they open up like this about themselves and their case and start having feelings for you? He asked me this morning "I just don't know your intentions with me. It'd be nice to know exactly what you'd like to see grow from this so I don't overstep my boundaries" I haven't responded. He gets off work soon and is going to ask why I haven't responded and probably start thinking he said something wrong (he does that and will start apologizing "for whatever I did to make you stop talking to me"). What did you guys do?? How the hell do I handle this?
I've never written a prisoner before, nor been in prison (or even arrested), or known anyone who is in, or has been in, prison, so this is all new to me. I came across a case on a TV episode and couldn't get the offender's face or what he did out of my head for months. I did a ton of research on it. I DO get interested in murder cases on a psychological basis and do a lot of research on them (I have both a psych degree and an English degree). I was fascinated by his murder case on a psychological level and made a Jpay account and added him on Jpay, then chickened out and didn't write him. He wrote me though. I didn't know he'd see that I added him, so I wasn't expecting that. He writes me about 6 times a day, the first being within 20 mins of the kiosk being available every morning. I wasn't expecting this. It was strictly for psych purposes in the beginning and wanting to figure him out. I told him that. I was upfront in that I was only interested in his case and that that's why I was writing him. He told me that women write him because they are turned on by him having killed someone, and he stops talking to them when they tell him that and he isn't used to this. He said he loves my intelligence and that he's never had anyone like me contact him before. We connect over literature and I sent him my fav book. I let myself go to a friendship level and answered his questions when he tries to get to know me (he has asked my fav color, music, etc etc). He has opened up a lot about his case and what happened and how he felt during it and after and says he has never felt safe enough to talk about it until me. In his first message after I asked his emotions about it, he said he wants to tell me about it, but doesn't know where to start or how to process it because he has never had anyone he feels safe enough to open up to about it Hawaii Inmate Search, and so I ask things and he answers in detail. After awhile, I told him, truthfully, that he is literally the hottest guy I've ever seen and that it confuses me because I know what he did. He told me that that made his day and he went to the barber and got "cleaned up" and took a pic for me. I asked him he ever smiles... none of the case pics or the one he sent have him smiling (not surprising), and he said we could work on that. Then a few days later he sent me one of him smiling. I told him I watch youtube videos of him talking so I can hear his voice, so he sent me a videogram of him talking to me "so you can hear my voice at my current age" (he's been locked up for 10 years of his 40 year sentence, so he's 36 now). I never planned on either of us "falling" like this. I'm still preventing myself from it. I still don't trust him. Some of the things he has told me don't align with what has been reported about the case, but he gets upset if I say that. He says I shouldn't believe that over him because they weren't there. I told him I was going to get the court transcripts and he got mad but got over it and is still talking to me.
I have NOT professed any feelings beyond what I just wrote here, but he has been very forward in his feelings for me. I am not going to lead him on, nor lie in any way. I'm really afraid of hurting him, since that was never my intention. I never thought he'd feel like this and I'm shocked. I said something yesterday that he misconstrued and he was clearly very hurt and upset. I had to convince him that I wasn't going to vanish on him. I'm so confused. He hasn't asked me for anything, so it's not a manipulation for gain. He's on the honor block, so he gets to have his tablet and guitar in his cell and have his cell by himself (no cellmate). He doesn't go in the dayroom much because he's afraid of being surrounded like that. He works in the chapel every day, reads, plays the guitar and writes the music and lyrics for his band he has in there. I only told him my nickname (he doesn't know my actual name), I told him the state I "am from" (I grew up there but moved to a diff state last year. He doesn't know that), and I have a VPN. He has zero identifiable info on me. I'm not dumb. Have any of you had this happen where they open up like this about themselves and their case and start having feelings for you? He asked me this morning "I just don't know your intentions with me. It'd be nice to know exactly what you'd like to see grow from this so I don't overstep my boundaries" I haven't responded. He gets off work soon and is going to ask why I haven't responded and probably start thinking he said something wrong (he does that and will start apologizing "for whatever I did to make you stop talking to me"). What did you guys do?? How the hell do I handle this?